Great expectations

Yesterday we hit the road. The exit was bittersweet. We'll miss our family dearly but it was great to finally have the packing and cleaning behind us.

We made it to Flagstaff, AZ just after the clock struck bat$hit crazy in the van. I made the mistake of giving the "wee one" not one but TWO "yogurt" covered pretzels which she proceeded to smear all over her face and hair while Sarah and I were trying to figure out if we should find a hotel or a restaurant first. The former to appease the dog who if he could would be pacing around the van, and the latter to alleviate the jitters both Sarah and I were having due to the cornut-fueled binge that ensued after leaving Gallup.

The makeshift modge podge face mask the wee one was applying finally drove her insane as it hardened and kept her from blinking as freely as usual (this is our CSI-style recreation of the scene that was unfolding in the middle row. The back of the van being filled to the brim with all the last minute, overlooked items that hide in the nooks and crannies of every house that anyone has ever moved out of).

We pulled over at what appeared to be an unused exit in the middle of nowhere, but turned out to be the busiest exit I've ever changed a diaper on the side of.

Up to that point, before we discovered the pretzel incident, I was certain the cause of her howling was a dirty diaper, which after a quick olfactory exam smelled fully loaded in the worst way. The diaper was of course only wet, which I'm sure is still uncomfortable, but it marked the second time we've pulled over to change a foul diaper only to discover it's not that foul.

Yelp helped us find Fratelli's Pizza in Flagstaff, which turned out to be staffed entirely by hip youth and served amazing thin crust pizza. The Galaga/Pacman machine just inside the front entrance tells you right away the place is legit.

Our kids did their best to avoid eating while at the same time emptying their plates in a SeaWorld-style splash zone around our table. It's times like that you wish you could record to show to your kids after they have progeny of their own. There's no way to convey that kind of frustration to people who haven't walked in those shoes.

We made the "walk of shame" from our table to the exit and loaded up in the van in search of a hotel. I made the executive decision to stay at the La Quinta Inn because they let you bring your dog without charging you "pet rent".

When we pulled up I was afraid there wouldn't be any room because the front entrance was swarming with fanny-pack toting, middle aged women who despite the mom-jeans and Mall salon hairdos were sporting performance fleece vests. It was like a convention for very recent empty-nesters.

It turned out to be a fantastic room with plenty of space for our motley crew plus a port-a-crib. None of that skirting around the bed nonsense.

Sarah took the girls to the pool while I walked Sam around. While I was walking I came to the realization that I'd never really seen Flagstaff before. It's an awesome little city. They've managed to build without tearing down every tree. It makes for a very cozy mountain-town feel.

We got the girls all bathed and PJ'd jus in time for the wee one to dump a chocolate milk all over herself and the towel that she requested Sarah drape over her like a cape. Sam knocked over his water bowl and devined enough dirt on his paws to track muddy footprints all over the bathroom. It was at this point I was thinking to myself, "we should be better at this by now." I guess the the parenting lesson I've had the hardest time learning is to not have unrealistic expectations. For me that's one of the most difficult parts about being a parent. I always have expectations of how the evening should go or that the girls will actually eat when they seem hungry or that the dog won't bark at the hallway just after everyone has finally drifted to sleep. Yes, I suppressed my frustration, put my pants back on and walked him outside only to find out he didn't really have to pee.

4:50 am: repeat, only that time he managed to squeeze out enough of a tinkle to meet my expectations partway.